Faith and Obedience 101 for the Timid

Why do I sometimes get so stressed out and under pressure when I have to lead worship…still? After so many years of doing this? I’m totally relaxed and just plain excited for corporate worship when I’m not leading (whether that means I’m on or off the platform). I can worship freely and uninhibited then, but there’s something about when I lead…

I’m convinced it’s because I haven’t really fully “died” yet. I’m hanging on to something(s). I love to be a part of bringing worship to the King in a musical format, but I feel the pressure to perform – which is diametrically opposed to the idea of worshipping at the Father’s feet and laying down our lives before Him.

…And if I’m feeling that pressure to perform, who am I “performing” for? Scary.

The funny thing is, it’s not the singing part or the playing part (if it’s one of those weeks when I attempt to play guitar and sing at the same time) that troubles me, it’s the public speaking. I’d say this has gotten better over the years, out of necessity, but I still have my moments.

I feel like Moses at the beginning of the fulfillment of his destiny, when God had to make Aaron do the talking for him, because Moses felt inadequate. The thing is, he never became “adequate”…he just became bold, as the spirit of God began to move in and through his circumstances.

Stepping out in faith, in spite of the way things look outwardly, does wonders for killing the ego and bolstering our faith. As long as we rely on who we are in the natural, God can do little to show Himself strong in us. We tie His hands with unbelief.

The boys were watching Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade last night and (spoiler warning? It came out in 1989, people.) they got to the part where Indy has to jump off the cliff into the unknown, based only on the words: “One who will leap from the lion’s head will prove his worth.” The chasm is ridiculously deep and insanely wide. “Impossible,” Indy says, “No one can jump this.” But he has to do something, or his father will die. So, with his heart racing (I’m assuming), he closes his eyes and steps out – probably thinking he’s about to plummet to his death, but still trusting…or at least being obedient, which is truly the outcropping of trust. As he steps out…and down…his foot unexpectedly lands on solid ground, not two feet below the edge of the cliff he stepped off. An invisible, or rather cleverly camouflaged, path leads him to the mouth of the cave where the grail is kept.

That scene always gave me the chills. And it’s so relevant for the Christian pilgrim. Are we willing to take the risks? Are we willing to step out, just because God asks us to? Now…that certainly makes leading worship on a Sunday morning seem like a walk in the park compared to so many actually hard things God would ask of us. But it applies just the same. Stand or fall, if we walk in obedience, He is there with us and for us…and He enjoys us, even if only He sees.


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