Pizza Dream?

I’ve been on this self-imposed sabbatical for a few weeks now…and very willing to make it a few more weeks. It’s been great to have the time to rest and relax a little bit and enjoy my family, but also I’m asking God to speak to me…to teach me and do something new in me. I felt like it was really important for me to take a break because: a. I was just tired! two school-agers and a baby can wear you down, as sweet as they are, but also b. because I don’t want to ever have to wonder if I’m just doing stuff because it’s got to be done.

God speaks to me through dreams sometimes…and often through a sort of back-door, roundabout, seemingly silly route.

I had this crazy dream in which the worship team was to play at a large venue. We were all really excited, but then we heard that someone was going to try to kill us there. I know, weird. We’re all so cute and sweet, who would want to kill us? 😉 But we weren’t afraid. We prayed and sought God together…we spoke the Word over ourselves and knew everything would be fine. So we went on anyway. As we started playing, I spotted someone in the balcony with a gun…a sniper. (Hey, it was a dream.) The sniper shot me in the shoulder and I had to be taken off the stage, but the band kept going. When I woke up, I thought it was the funniest “pizza dream” ever. And to an extent, it was just that. But I think the thing that was significant was that I was taken out of the picture and the band kept going without me without skipping a beat.

This fact was both a relief to me (in my spirit) and sort of a bummer in a weird way (flesh!). But I believe God was speaking to me, using what I firmly believe was my own conscious-produced dream. He was both comforting me and showing me an area in which I need some spiritual surgery. I’m 100% relieved to know that God doesn’t “need” me. He can use anyone to carry out His will, but he has chosen me to be a part of it. I also realized, though, that I still can be quite narcissistic. What about ME? Don’t they need ME??” The short answer? No.

I got to thinking also of how we all (and specifically, I) can forget ourselves and become very reactionary and judgmental of others, and even ourselves. “Why did that person do that?” “What’s up with him/her?” When I get really busy, I tend to get more fleshly and easily irritated…out of the Word, into the flesh. Still thinking it’s righteous indignation, but really it’s just being a stinker. But what right have I to be judgmental? It is God who justifies, who shall condemn?

I know this sounds weird…well, it probably doesn’t if you’ve ever let God deal with you on any level, ever…but I actually feel a great sense of relief when God shows me my wrong attitudes and pulls me up on them. The Bible says in Proverbs 3 “For whom the Lord loves He corrects, Just as a father the son in whom he delights.” This is really good news. I’m so glad He won’t leave me to go on thinking silly, self-absorbed thoughts and spiraling downward to my own destruction! He’s a good father and He loves us. It’s not fun to be corrected, but it’s always for the best, and God never fails to do it out of love.

The song Amazing Love (You Are My King) still reaches me and affects me so deeply when I hear the words, as Dennis and Laura so beautifully sang them on Wednesday night:

I’m forgiven
Because You were forsaken
I’m accepted
You were condemned
I’m alive and well
Your Spirit is within me
Because You died and rose again

I nearly lose it when I sing that second line…”I’m accepted, you were condemned”. He made us who we are. He knew we would choose sin over Him at some point. He loved us enough to take the fall for us. And STILL He wants us to be a part of His plan. He accepts us because Jesus was condemned for our sakes. Hard to understand, yes. But I know it to be true and I thank God for it every day. Amazing love.

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