"Just Stir and Refrigerate"

Okay if you ever…EVER see this on the label of your average natural peanut butter or other nut butter, just walk away!! Please, I beg you, for your own SANITY, walk…away.

It’s a cruel, sadistic, merciless whole foods executive that approves these labels and turns them out to us…the unsuspecting, innocent public.

Please indulge me to point out the folly in this seemingly innocuous directive. I’ll break it down…

“Just stir…”

IMPOSSIBLE. The stuff is actually made from the same compound that makes up common mixing cement. Bet you never knew that! It’ll break your stainless steel cutlery in two. Oh, and lest I neglect to mention…WHEN you attempt to stir, the oil on top spills and splatters all over, annihilating your clothing, your sense of well-being, your joy if you’re not “prayed up” and anything within 5 feet of Ground Zero. Why? Because they fill the jar up to the tippy-top, to make you think you’re getting a bargain.

“…and refrigerate.”

Yeah! If you never want to eat the stuff again. It goes hard as a rock and it’s impossible to spread. This goes against everything I’ve come to believe in about peanut butter. Why do the Europeans covet American peanut butter (and they do!)…because it’s smooth and creamy (or chunky, if you prefer…just not hard). Why do you think so many people around the world disdain Americans? Yes, a little of it comes from the loud, straw hat and golf shirt-wearing tourists…that’s just a fact. But MOSTLY because they’re jealous…you guessed it….because of our peanut butter.

So…go ahead, do the natural thing. Abandon your Gino’s Pizza Rolls and Lofthouse cookies…I highly recommend Kashi cereals, rice and almond milks, no MSG in your Chinese food…but I have to give stir-your-own nut butters a negative 5 stars…and a big BOOOO!

(Except that they do taste good.) 🙂


About this entry